Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
