I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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