fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
