Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
