i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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