i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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