At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
