I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
