its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
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