Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
