Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
