Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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