u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
