He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
