you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
