At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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