I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
