did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
