You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
