i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
How external is "for external use only"?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
