im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
