I'm gonna have a badass scar
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
