I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
