I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I can't turn off my feet"
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
