I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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