So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
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