even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
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