I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
