Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
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