How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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