how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
