is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
