I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
