Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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