So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
