Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
