She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
