Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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