Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
