ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
porn star boner night. come get it.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
