Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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