dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I hope mine doesn't look like that
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
