Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
