am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
The air was thick with penises
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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