I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
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