Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
