STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
