epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
That accounts for only three of the penises
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
