He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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