its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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