I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
